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Get this "most recent" one out of the way: 1) first cold night of this summer and I was turbo happy, and we know how that is. Got pulled over just as the highway ended, got the megaphone yelling at me "Move the car 10m forward and pull into the side street, turn your car off, put your keys on your dash". Apparently, she had been trying to catch up to me for a few km (through Knight Street Bridge, onto Highway 91, then onto Alderbridge for you Vancouver/Richmond folk), but only got to me there. The best she clocked me was doing 39 over the speed limit. 40 over in BC is a license suspension, car impoundment, and thousands (YES, thousands!) in fines, as well as insurance premiums going up. Not something to mess with. She ended up writing me a ticket for 1 over the speed limit, because I was very "polite". I love Canada. 2) I was at my neighbourhood Tim Hortons in Surrey after a crazy week driving on the Oregon Coast (and enjoying Hwy 101) and literally just getting back into the country 15 minutes prior where I noticed 2 cops in the further parking lot eating their timbits, so I obviously tried hard to keep exhaust sounds low, and not slipping the clutch too bad (5 puck!). Got in, had my timbits and my steeped tea, double double, and oh god did it taste so good (one week without is blasphemy!) Damnit, I want some timbits right now =( On my way out, noticed the same two cops were there and sitting in their vehicles. What do I do now? This sucks! Gonna just get in and drive off as un-heaty as possible. As I walk up to my car, I haven't even made it to my car, his lights go off and he rips it, and I mean RIPS it to my car (a whole parking lot section away). I have my keys out, doors unlocked, and i'm not even in my car yet and I start to panic. I've never been pulled over while standing outside of my car? Wtf?! Do I get into my car and lower my window? Is there some procedure where I'm supposed to do something I don't know about? I don't know?! I'm nervous and the way I was responding to his questions showed. He then proceeds to tell me that my car needs to be impounded. WHAT?! Asks for my registration and he'd be right back. I'm freaking out, wtf did I do? He comes back completely APOLOGETIC (the politeness of our RCMP is a huge difference when compared to State Troopers. He wasn't even trying to be polite). He typed my license plate wrong in his computer, and my car came up as a written-off yellow taxi cab that had been crushed just a few weeks prior. Holy was I ever happy, and even though he was an asshole in the way he told me that my car needed to be impounded, it was so polite. I love Canada. 3) This one wins. No joke, the biggest HOLY SHIT moment of my life. I was in Aldergrove so I thought I'd do my tri-weekly run to WA to fillup on fuel from that border crossing (60$ fillup vs 90$!) Crossed into USA, no issues, just the normal, Customs Officer asks me the same 5 questions, asks me to pop the trunk, finds nothing, closes it, I'm on my way. I fill up at the Chevron down there and on my way back, decide to take H Street to the Blaine/Truck Crossing. Essentially, H Street is the street that's ON the border, the equivalent to 0 Avenue in Surrey (for the VC folk). It's a very narrow 2 lane road that's dark as hell, in the forest, but it has no stop signs, no lights, nothing. A lot quicker to get home than getting back into Canada and taking the Trans-Canada which goes in a diagonal, away from where I'm going. While driving on it, about a two or three minutes in, I notice that my dome light is flickering, turn my music down, and hear the hatch doing a slight bouncearoo. Customs Officer opened my hatch, and didn't close it properly, no biggie. I pull over, get out, raise the hatch, and close it shut! Then, get back on my way. It's a 35 zone, and I was doing well over 70 (it's just an open road, oops!) but I do notice a vehicle behind me (it was night time) and I just thought I should slow down "in case" it's a cop, so I gear down and get to about 50 when suddenly, ridiculously fast, he is ON MY ASS. Lights come on. Fuck! I hope the ticket I get is for 50 in a 35 vs 70+. (on a side note, tickets in WA are so affordable! I don't really mind them!) I pull over, and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait. 5 minutes passes and i'm waiting for the cop to come out. Nothing. Makes me start thinking he didn't mean to pull me over, so should I just...go? Before I made any gesture, 3 other SUV's and a car roll in FAST and block the whole road off, including me. They were unmarked vehicles so the SUV directly in front of me looked like any ordinary black SUV from my headlights. Damn man, seriously? Am I going to die here? WTF?!! Gangstaaaas. Finally, someone comes out and up to my window, and is puzzled, walks back and talks to someone and I hear "the steering wheel is on the other side? what is this? I don't get it?". Then he comes up to me on my side and his first question is Officer: What is your citizenship?
Me: Canadian
Officer: What are you doing here?
Me: Just bought gas, going home through this road cause it's faster, blabla
Officer: Are you American?
Me: no, Canadian.
Officer: What is your citizenship?
Me: Canadian.
Officer: Give me your passport.
Me: I don't have it on me.
Officer: Did you illegally cross?
Me: No.
Officer: How did you get into USA?
Me: I used my Enhanced Driver's License
Officer: What's that? Where is your passport? You can't use that! I knew something I did stirred up some shit, and I'm about to get my ass handed to me. He didn't know we can use enhanced driver's licences for driving across the border (before I got my NEXUS), or he was acting dumb. The way he was asking questions, he did seem confused though, as if some things aren't adding up. He tells me to get out of the car by opening the door from the outside, hands on the back of my head, and face down on the hood. He proceeds to hand cuff me and makes me sit on the ground on the side of one of the SUV's. It is then that I notice that two of the vehicles are Border Patrol, and the other two are Police Officers. Oh fuck. I ask him what i've done and his only real response was "you already know what you've done". They bring out the DOGS. Oh fuck here come the dogs holyshitfuckballs nofuckingway. Two shepards are out and look mean as fuck! (don't quote me on what kind of dog as i'm a pussy kind of guy (meow), but it was just mean looking mofos). The cop has already emptied out my pockets and he gets me to stand up, and one of the dog sniffs me up. Seriously, a mean looking ass dog sniffing your crotch is fucking scary. Then the two dogs sniff my car. Other cops have already opened everything in the car and thrown it all on the ground (belongings, etc). Dogs sniff everything and don't bark, thank God. After another few questions thrown around he asks me "Why did you open your hatch back there?" OMG. Seriously? They had thought I had thrown a sack of cocaine or some crap on the border so someone from Canada or whatever could run across to grab it and illegally import it or some crap. He uncuffs me, and says i'm free to go. No apologies, no helping me put stuff back in my car, no flashlight help cause it's dark as shit and my shit is on the ground, nothing. They get up, and go. Holy shit wtf just happened? Shock. I hate USA. I still have NO idea how they saw me open my hatch. It's long, dark forest road. Maybe some heat sensors or some crap? Homeland Security fuck yeahhhhhhhhh.
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16:06:25 09/19/13
